Comparisons...

We draw them everyday. In terms of blogging, there is a constant striving for perfection, whether it be for an Instagram post, or trying to match the numbers of your favourites. This mind trap of drawing comparisons with others, tears at our levels of confidence and self-worth and can lead us to feel uncomfortable in our own skin.

I've always been one to march to the beat of my own drum. Whether it be wearing sweaters in this 30°C heat, working for a degree in Psychology, or starting a blog, although half of my extended family do not quite understand it.  Yet last year I was questioning everything. I was comparing my little space here to everyone else's and doubting if my content was actually good, whether the pictures I took were really on par with those that are taken by better cameras, professionals, etc. I was doubting whether the simple makeup looks I created for the blog were good enough in comparison to the intricate ones I've seen on YouTube. 

With all these doubts in my head, at one point I was even questioning whether I should continue to blog. I contemplated taking down my Instagram, and one such occassion, I ended up deleting some of the pictures of myself from my feed which I didn't think were good enough. Hence I took most of the year off of blogging and posting on Instagram. 

Funnily enough, the thought of deleting my blog made me quiver. All the work that I've put in, and the time I've spent going to waste, and the connections I've made with all of you breaking down, made me feel extremely sad. At this point, I started to reflect on why then I was feeling like I wasn't good enough and most importantly, what I can do about it. 

The main reason that contributed, and even exacerbated this feeling was the comparisons I was drawing. I noticed many bloggers go from strength to strength, and talk about the statistics of their blogs. This many followers, that much reach. On top of it, I was spammed with e-mails from companies about becoming ambassadors, and increasing my Instagram followers. While my immediate thought was 'no way am I buying followers', or 'no way am I working with companies I don't believe in', I couldn't help but wonder, if that's what it all came down to. Did blogging all boil down to getting more and more followers, and if so, should I try other ways of attracting followers? Since others are doing it, should I also work with 'x' number of brands?

Given these questions, I was doubting myself, and if my space here was good enough, and whether you actually enjoy my posts. My answer to these doubts about continuing blogging was embedded within the reason why I started blogging. It was an extension of myself and a creative outlet. I wanted to write about things I enjoyed, and I was sharing my experiences as an average consumer. 

I've always made sure to share with you that I am not a makeup artist. I enjoy makeup, and having used a lot of products I have found ones I've wholeheartedly enjoyed using and would gladly recommend to you. It's true that my makeup looks weren't as intricate, and that most of the time I use the same two colours on my crease and lid. Yet, that was authentically me. 

I enjoyed the process of taking photographs, finding locations in my own house to shoot (because I rarely go out), sitting down and critiquing those pictures and selecting ones that would be posted online. Even though they may not be the most professional, I did it all and I figured I ought to be proud of that.

 To this day, I am writing reviews, and sharing posts that I am passionate about. While thinking about quitting, I went back and read some of my reviews. I found myself saying 'oh that's absolutely right', 'that's so true about the formula of that lipstick', in agreement. If anything, I was writing honestly and being my rambling-and-inserting-bad-puns-into-posts self. 

Above all, I, an introvert, made connections with all of you because I was sharing my life in a candid manner. You've kept me going by being ever so supportive, and sending me messages when I took a break, asking if I was alright. In a world where more and more people feel alone and disconnected from others, you've provided me with lasting friendships that are more important to me than you'll ever know. Despite my doubts, you've assured me that you enjoyed reading my posts. Some of you enjoyed how detailed my reviews were, some of you were enjoyed the 'realness' of the content I shared, and that through reading my posts you've always managed to pick up something new. I mean, could I really ask for more confirmation that I was doing quite alright?

In reflecting, I was able to break free from the mind-trap of comparisons. There's no necessity of changing to fit into an algorithm, or the ideal of a 'blogger'. Only one thing is for sure: blogging is about the consistency of quality, and honesty of content shared. I can sit here and write a million posts, but what would it matter if I don't put my heart and soul into each and every one of them? 

The main take-away from this post to anyone even if you're not a blogger, is to trust in your own journey. It's hard not to draw comparisons with others, and doubt yourself. Just make sure you don't tear yourself apart because of them. Take care of yourself, so that you don't get trapped in self-defeating beliefs and actions. 

Your life is for you to lead, and not for others to dictate.

Thank you for staying with me for all these years. I am so grateful for the connections that we've made.

Much Love,